701wendyk asks:
I am a single parent of an eleven year old daughter. When I ask her to do something she totally ignores me. I repeatedly ask her to do something until I am yelling like a maniac and crying. I got so mad at her yesterday I cut up the two articles of clothing she would not pick up. She didn’t care…..We’ve even taken stuff to the goodwill store that she won’t pick up. I have taken away her DSI, i-pod, dvd’s, grounded her…..nothing works. I don’t know what to do. How can I help my child and help myself be an effective parent?
Charles Murray @ TheBlissfulParent says:
This is a relationship that sounds as if it has completely broken down. There could be a lot of things happening here but the really scary thing here is that your daughter has disconnected herself from you emotionally.
The first thing to look at are your own reactions. Yelling and screaming will only drive her deeper into apathy. First, realize that this is not a personal attack against you but rather a reaction to your reactions.
In order for her reactions to change, your reactions must change. Begin by asking yourself why you are so angry. Then ask yourself what prices you (and your daughter) are paying by continuing this angry behavior.
What I am most concerned about in this situation is that the anger has escalated into ‘revenge’, likely as a last resort to try to scare her into compliance. What you and your daughter both need is some love to repair the relationship.
Start with a hug. Then schedule one or two dates for the two of you to go out and have some fun being together, enjoying each others company. This should help to re-establish a relationship based on love, trust, and mutual respect. Only once she trusts you again will she begin to choose different behavior.
About The Author:
Charles Murray is a certified parent support group facilitator as well as the chief instructor for the Blissful Parenting System, an online parenting course that helps parents improve relationships with their kids and deal with disrespectful behavior in children.
