robpep asks:
My daughter thinks she is privileged and doesn’t have to follow the rules at school or at home. She sneaks out, skips class, lies and gets bad grade.
Charles Murray @ TheBlissfulParent says:
In a case like this, there is very likely much more to the story. This kind of behavior doesn’t happen overnight. Likely there have been patterns of behavior by both the the parent and the child leading up to this. Wanting her to follow the rules about you wanting “her” to understand “you”. But, there is something more going on for her, which could be the reason why she doesn’t seem to care about the rules.
When children don’t care, it is usually because caring is either too painful or too uncomfortable. Try spending some trying to understand what is going on for her. You might need to put your demands to follow the rules aside for now as you work on developing enough trust in the relationship to understand what is really going on. Try spending some time having fun together and engage in non-judgmental conversation.
Put her need to be understood BEFORE your need for her to understand you.
Once the trust and communication is re-established, you will likely not have to work so hard at getting her to follow the rules.
About The Author:
Charles Murray is a certified parent support group facilitator as well as the chief instructor for the Blissful Parenting System, an online parenting course that helps parents improve relationships with their kids and deal with disrespectful behavior in children.
