skrijnic asks:
My husband and I have separated for the 2nd & final time. Since the birth of our son he has been in & out of his life. Two years ago, he suggested that we get back together, he was ready to commit, etc. It didn’t take 6 months for me to realize that he hadn’t changed, in fact had gotten worse. My son is defiant, argumentative, disrespectful and never takes responsibility for his own actions-blames me for everything. I understand that he is angry and upset. I am at my wits end. I am fed up with taking the blame since I have been the strength of our family from the start financially and emotionally.
Charles Murray @ TheBlissfulParent.com says:
It sounds like you all have been through alot and it is important not to be too hard on yourself or your son as I’m sure you’ve done the best that you can under the circumstances. Trying to use behavior control techniques with your son will likely make things worse. In order for the disrespectful and defiant behavior to stop, there needs to be trust and respect in the relationship.
You mention that you want to avoid taking your son to see a professional. If that is the case, then you will need to spend some time letting him tell you how he feels. He will need to feel safe with you and that you will not place judgment on what he says. It may take some time before he becomes open enough with you to share his feelings about what has happened to your family. Once you truly understand what he is feeling, you can then begin to communicate in way that does dot trigger conflict.
About The Author:
Charles Murray is a certified parent support group facilitator as well as the chief instructor for the Blissful Parenting System, an online parenting course that helps parents improve relationships with their kids and deal with disrespectful behavior in children.
my stepson has the above plus smashes his room up,at my wits end,my wifes ex never helps and blames everyone but the child,help……….