hannah1019 asks:
My daughter seems to be disrespectful to me and no one else. She is 8 and has a stepsister the same age. She lies to me, mouths off and yells, but does this to no other adult figure in her life. How do I nurture her to no longer do this?
Answer:
Whenever I hear a story like this I immediately assume that there is more to the story. I realize that from the inside looking out, it can seem that your daughter is treating you differently that she is treating every one else. It is important to take a step back and look at the situation differently in order to discover what is really going on.
Firstly, I highly recommend doing yourself the favor of keeping your focus on the unique and distinct relationship that you have with your daughter. If you continue to compare your relationship with her to the relationships that she has with others, you’ll literally drive yourself crazy. Instead, start by deciding on the type of relationship that you want to have with your daughter, and then take steps to evolve the relationship until it comes true.
Remember that relationships are simply reactions or mirror reflection of our own actions. If your daughter is “reacting” to you in a certain way, spend some time trying to understand what would cause her to “choose” to respond in that way. What does she think, feel, or believe that makes her act that way towards you?
In many cases, you will notice a pattern. You say one thing, she says another, and so on … just like the script of a movie or play. Once you discover the pattern of behavior and what triggers those responses, you can begin to alter you communication in order to see a different response from her in return.
Don’t worry if you don’t get the results you are expecting right away. It may take some time and repeated attempts until you notice the relationship change. Try going out and doing something fun together. Fun and laughter can be the best medicine for a relationship that needs mending.
