Fred asks:
Our 15 year old daughter has become very disrespectful to both myself and her mom. she is defiant, yells, slams doors etc. Otherwise, she is a great kid. She is involved in school sports, has great friends, makes mostly A’s or B’s ( except spanish, which she has refused to make any effort in, and is currently failing, and this has become one major issue we argue about). We just want her to acknowledge our authority and talk to us with respect.
Answer:
In order to solve the problem, you must first understand what is going on from your daughter’s point of view. Yelling, slamming doors, and defiant behavior are signs that your daughter could be frustrated or angry about something. It may not even be you that she is mad or frustrated with, but there could be something else bothering her. When people yell, it can be a sign that they just don’t know what else to do.
Her grades in Spanish might be a clue. If she is getting good grades in all her other classes but not this one, then there might be a reason for that. Maybe she got in an argument with the teacher or another student? Maybe she is having difficulty with the class and she is feeling stupid or being hard on herself? What’s needed here is a non-judgmental fact-finding mission to discover the real truth behind your child’s feelings of frustration.
When children become defiant or display out-of-control behavior, it is natural for parents to want to fight back. But, the more you fight, the worse the behavior will become. Instead, take a step back, discover the problem that is causing your daughter to feel this way, and then guide her to the solution.
