I have a 10 year old daughter that talks back to myself and my husband. She shows no emotion towards anything. we have tried taking things away like the computer and phone but it still doesn’t help. She can be very mean to her brother and sister. When we go away as a family she is the one in the vehicle trying to make her brother and sister upset the more upset they get the more she buggs them. Her father and myself just don’t know what to do anymore. I am tired of yelling I don’t want to yell anymore. Her father is on her 24-7 and I keep telling him that he has to pick his battles because I think sometimes she acts out because she knows she is going to get in trouble if she does anything. We have tried to set up chores but they never get done.
Charles Murray @ TheBlissfulParent.com says:
Taking things away as a way to stop kids from talking back to parents can seem effective at first, but the more that you do it, the more your child learns that things that they care about are taken away. After a while, it becomes too painful to care about things and so the child starts to shut down emotionally. I’ve even seen this in my 6 year old so I know they learn this very quickly. Taking things away only works if your kids care about the things you are taking away, otherwise what you get in return is the kid arguing, talking back, or simply ignoring you completely.
Children only listen to you when they believe in and care about the things that you are saying. It is common for parents that yell and scream at their kids to have trouble getting their kids to do chores around the house, or anything else for that matter.
My suggestion is to back off with the yelling and stop taking things away for awhile. Plan a family outing (or two) and go do something fun together. When your daughter starts caring again, you’ll have a much easier time getting her to listen to you and help out around the house.
About The Author:
Charles Murray is a certified parent support group facilitator as well as the chief instructor for the Blissful Parenting System, an online parenting course that helps parents improve relationships with their kids and deal with disrespectful behavior in children.